On the 17th of June, I left the land down under. I was heading for home. I was earnestly looking forward to it to say the say. I was both happy and sad…Happy to know I was heading back, sad knowing I would have to head back once the vacation ended.
I flew with Qantas (QF 123) which was scheduled to leave Sydney at 0935hrs. I spent most of the night before working on my final submission and handed it at 0330!! After getting just a few winks…cramped between a guy who slithers and slides like an agile serpent and a guy, who goes through phases of peace and quiet and of snoring. I slept soundly. The two hours of sleep I got, were decidedly better than most of the long hours of sweet slumber, which I have experienced before. I guess it was because I was home. Don’t know about that, but then may be I guess I was free…free of worries, tensions, pangs of anxiety and unnecessary thoughts. I woke up with a start got ready, headed for the Kingsford Smith Airport, Sydney, with the feeling of breaking away with a hope and a zeal…which was missing in my life for the past few days, may be months.
Rohit D (a.k.a Despo) and Prasad B (a.k.a Lamba kameena “Tall rascal”) escorted me to the airport. The cabbie, a very talkative guy called Farooq, an Indian from Fiji, added his bit to the drama which was to follow. And it was a drama all right!!
After having got to the airport and checking through my luggage I had a sumptuous meal at Subway, followed it with a coffee, it felt good. I was full. I met Rohan Karnataki an acquaintance from my grad school in Pune (MCOE). We braced ourselves for the flight and knew that it was going to be a rough ride. The weather had been very vengeful for the past few days. The heavens were spitting and were looking very ominous. It was raining heavily in Sydney and it was pretty cold. Rohan, looked perfectly at ease in his shorts and singlet. When we asked him about his attire, he simply replied…”Canberra recorded 3deg Celsius yesterday, this is very pleasant!!” He got to Sydney the night before and was to board the same flight to get to Mumbai. We then found out that the flight was to be delayed. This was for the first time, they announced it. I got 1050 as the ETD while Rohan got 1120. It then was further delayed to 1140. Finally we left at 12 noon. We got a bottle of Glenfiddich (Single malt whisky) each, presents for people back home. A got it for a friend, he got it for his father. We spent some time looking at other luscious bottled bliss – VODKA, Liqueurs and Single Malt liquor. With some crazy mix up, the airport authorities announced that all the passengers were to return ‘any liquids, exceeding 100ml, purchased in the duty free. It was one of the most ridiculous announcements ever made…and it got a lot of people scurrying back, eager to avail the refund they were all entitled to. In a mad scurry, everyone returned the huge amounts of ahem…liquids, they purchased!!
We boarded the plane. I was squashed in the aisle seat. Crap. But there were two beautiful chicks next to me. Sweet. Score. And then a guy got in on the 4th seat. Damn. Too crowded. We all had to elbow each other for the entire flight. The air hostesses took a disliking to us. We got the meal 40 minutes after my pretty counterparts. I guess the air hostesses on our side, were a little slow to say the least.
I don’t know what comes over me sometimes. I always felt that I am good with people, at least strangers who don’t know me at all and I have a decent sense of humor. All of my humor was Marathi (my mother tongue) or Hindi (national language of India) based. And this proved a huge hurdle for me, when I moved into a house with foreigners. I guess it opened newer avenues and now I can have them into splits as well. Anyways..I say this here …as I was on a roll in the flight. The lasses next to me were damn fine, so I did turn up the charm and was hilarious. I guess you had to be there for most of my gimmicks, but one of favorites gags that day came when the pilot announced “we are going to shut down the right engine, to test for failure (seemingly perturbing) “, he followed it up by “ there is no need to panic as this is a routine test, we are simply going to shut it down and restart it a couple of times (a test….for failure? Duh…)”. He then announced that we should brace ourselves for take off and the flight itself was going to be a turbulent one owing to the weather. I seized the opportunity as the plane was all set to take off….”I hope he remembered to switch the damn right side engine on!!” Hehe…may be you had to be there…it was funny..and who cares about any one else, the joke was directed at my neighbor and she was into splits. This prompted me to be funnier.
I was careful not to over do it, which I am guilty of at times. After all “funny” should be just that…not boring. I am glad I didn’t cross the line, or so I think, I got some polite smiles….but largely guffaws. I was pleased with my effort.
Another noteworthy joke was the one that followed, as I ordered my first drink (Qantas has full points for that, they did not refuse me a drink at any time). I asked for a Bundy-Coke, the standard Oz spirit. It comprises of Bundaberg Rum (a dark rum, a lot like Old Monk that most Indians are used to) and coke. The hostess was lavish and poured me a generous peg. To be honest, it was a very stiff drink. The pretty damsel next to me, was busy sipping her Oj(Orange Juice) and was engulfed in the Fountainhead, by Ayn Rand. I was searching my brain to recollect the plot, as I too read it a long time back. Shit….didn’t come to me. She noticeably frowned at the revolting odor of my drink. And I saw a chance to hit another joke home. I said..” Yeah tell me about it, the drink is so stiff. I hope they are not trying to kill me, I am under age you know and not legally allowed to drink!! (She raised her eyebrows and gave me a mocking look, I went on, knowing I had her attention). I guess I didn’t have to put any hair gel on today…this drink is gonna do that for me. Have my hair been like this all the time? God is it hot in here? Or is it just the drink? Is the smell bothering you? Good thing I have a breath mint. I just have to coax the glass to take one!!”…Hmm…reflecting, I think it wasn’t all that funny. She liked it. Probably she was bored “stiff” from reading the book. I said, “wow, Ayn Rand huh? Tough book to read on the plane”…she nodded. We chit chatted for a while, then I began to muck around with the weird head phones they gave us and realized they had an amazing Video on Demand list. I started with one of my favorite sitcoms, Everybody loves Raymond. It’s a good thing, the video on demand. I saw as many 9 films during the flight. I am quite a TV addict I must confess. But the flight was turbulent, the lass was asleep, I was bored, and well, entertainment was right there, the VOD. Bring ‘em on I said.
My other neighbor and English dude, was asking for a Bloody Mary. I think that’s a girl’s drink. I asked him to have a B n C. He did. I think he almost fell over. The peg they gave us, could have brought a horse to a standstill. It threw my bud right off. I was “sitting under influence” and did the stupidest thing, when he asked me to have a Bloody Mary next, I said “yeah sure, why not”. Eww. Gross. Tomato juice with Vodka. Egad. I am never having it again. I don’t know why I did it. Like I said, the first drink threw me off a bit.
The ride was bumpy, the food (Lamb curry) was disgusting, so I was grumpy. I kept myself busy with the movie “Namesake”. I thought that it is a very well made film and I really liked it. I napped for a while, and awoke with one word, which was floating around in my mind all the time “Gogol”. I knew nothing about this guy…what the heck. I raised my hand. Got a B n C and forgot about Gogol. I decided to Google Gogol later.
We had a sketchy flight and a bumpy landing at the Darwin airport. It was 1630 local time (Darwin is GMT + 0900hrs, while Sydney is GMT + 0930hrs). Damn, the four hour long flight couldn’t even get us off the Oz continent.
Here I ran into Steve (Satyadev Mehta, a character, from a Hindi movie called Dil Chahta Hai or was he some other guy? Seemed a lot like Steve to me!! Incidentally my boss’ name is Steve too…..yeesh). He is a chimney with smokes. It was stifling hot in Darwin. It was fairly cold in Sydney. As I walked out on to the porch, I realized that Oz land has a very vast difference in climates. Rohan had come from 5 deg C climate (Canberra) to Sydney which was at a windy and chilly 12, while now it was 36 and humid. Crap.
Darwin airport was a bit of a let down. A very…how to say…ill stacked cellar, didn’t impress me at all. After some deliberation, we picked up a bottle of Chivas Regal each…seemed something like a destiny. My friend was to have Chivas … and nothing else would have measured up. Well…it seemed so. The Gujjus lined up here as well. Each of us got something, for more than what we would have paid in Sydney. But at least they got the plane back in the air in less than 45 minutes.
The flight to Mumbai was a better one, I must say. There was a mix up with a guy…Ram Krishna…supposed to go to Pakistan. It was funny as the air hostesses were running to and fro trying to spot him. As fate would have it, there were two guys with the same name and…yes…you guessed it right, they got the wrong one and were repeatedly saying that he has to go Pakistan and would have to board the Etihad flight one hour from our arrival in Mumbai. It was a cacophony as the two guys, one very Indian, the wrong guy, refused and was agitated about being asked to go to Pakistan, had no clue in the world what was happening, the other, was up from a nap and was fairly irked by the whole drama as well.
Meanwhile, enhanced by “spirits”, accompanied by good food and entertainment and mostly by sleep, I managed to make it to my home…my country…..India
There was a strange sense of excitement. I was back…I was home. I was…
(to be continued)
